


As Long As You Love Me

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: AU, M/M, Religion, cruel religion, homeless, i love this ending lol, runaways - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: You used to tell me sky's the limit, now the sky is our point of view.





	As Long As You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic roughly inspired by JB's As Long As You Love Me  
> I love the lyrics okay xD

_As long as you love me_

It had been one of those days again. Jari looked at his clock – one hour until church. He would stay at home if it wasn’t for his boyfriend being there too. Jari loved Jaska – Jaska loved Jari. In public they were “just best friends”, they would die if someone ever found out.

 

_As long as you love me_

Stephansville, beautiful landscape, a pretty little village to look at, nice people … if the last point wouldn’t be such a lie. Stephansville was a strict religious town, with its own churches, schools and markets. The bible was the highest law, the priests the judges, the families strict and cruel. And in the middle of it lived Jari and Jaska, friends since childhood, lovers since adulthood.

 

_As long as you love me_

Jaska, 25 years old, was known as the best guitar player in town, added to that he belonged to the family which was part of the founding of Stephansville – Family Mäkinen. Many parents already tried to marry their daughters with him, but he always rejected, saying he wants to spend his life with the right one – keeping it for himself that he already had a relationship with a man.

Jari, 20 years old, had always been a silent one. His family joined the – in his eyes sect – only two generations before him. He had always been the victim of physical abuse of his older brothers, but never did he cry when they punched him, never did he show any weakness when they embarrassed him in front of everyone, Jari just let it happen – visible pain is what they wanted but he never gave it to them.

 

_We're under pressure,_

“Hurry up, dumbass!” Jari heard his oldest brother shouting from downstairs. Enough thinking about Jaska, Jari shook his head and stood up to search for his suit. A few minutes later he walked through the streets, behind the group he called his family. Again, he sunk into thoughts about his lover. They always spent time together after church, one of the few moments they could actually be completely alone and for themselves.

“Hey, Jari!” a well-known voice ripped the young man out of his thoughts and he looked up from the ground. Jaska. Those eyes, this face he loved so much.

“Jaska!” he exclaimed and hugged the other young adult. To their luck it was pretty common to hug his female and male friends in their culture, so at least they could share some body contact in public.

“I’ve missed you.” the taller of both sighed and gave Jari a warm smile – a smile beautiful enough to erase every worry the younger man had.

“We have seen each other yesterday, did you already forget?” Jari laughed and received a very gentle punch against his shoulder.

“I know but every second I can’t spend with you is a second I miss you.” Jaska whispered, grinned and walked in the direction of the big church door. Jari blushed and followed the other man into the building. He didn’t need to ask his friend about their meeting two hours later – it had been the same since they knew each other. Jari didn’t even need to ask his – actually horribly strict – parents anymore. They knew Jari was over at Jaska’s house.

 

_Seven billion people in the world trying to fit in_

Jaska had to laugh when they parted from their rather rough and wet kiss. They sat in the older man’s room, a forgotten board game between them. Usually the Mäkinens weren’t home after Sundays’ church and the two lovers had a whole house for themselves, nevertheless they kept their eyes and ears open for people, and if someone unexpectedly walks in they would immediately sink back into the game, as if never something happened.

They both knew it was ridiculous but what else should they do?

“Why are you laughing?” the brown-haired asked and raised a brow.

“You know, sometimes I feel like just running away, leaving this whole town behind. Together and only with you.” Jaska sighed and the smile slowly faded.

“I know, love, I have that feeling often enough.” Jari joined his sighing and put hand on his partners’ shoulder.

“Do you think that we will ever get out of here?” the older one searched for Jari’s eyes.

“How do you imagine that?” the younger replied.

“I would love to have an answer for that.” Jaska mumbled and connected their lips once again.

 

_Keep it together,_

During the prayers before dinner Jaska was rather praising various body features of his boyfriend than some god. As always he was pretty silent during the time he spent together with his whole family. Different than Jari, Jaska had more sisters than brothers – it didn’t matter anyway because nobody would even dare to somehow hurt him. While his parents and siblings talked about stuff that didn’t interest Jaska, the young adult thought about an actual escape plan.

He was 25 so his school life was over, soon he would join the church as a priest in a big ceremony. Truth needed to be said, Jaska always wanted to become a musician – rock musician. Of course, his parents kindly disagreed and decided he should become a priest, like his father, his grandfather, his great-grandfather and just every male member of their family. At least they left him guitar lessons.

Jaska wanted to shout, to scream out the feelings that left unnecessary weight on his heart. He was known as a good soul, but the inside of his mind looked like a giant wildfire. He wanted to see the world, see what’s behind the borders that Stephansville gave him. He wanted to be free, free like a bird.

 

_Smile on your face even though your heart is frowning_

Jari sat in his room, counting the bruises he got as good night greetings from his siblings. Every now and then he felt the thought about escaping, running away blinking up in his mind. He didn’t want to think about it, though.

“Jari?” Oh, the boy thought – father – for a change.

“Yes, father?” he sighed and pulled down the sleeves of his sweater. His father opened the door, looking at his son with sad eyes. “Can I come in?”

“I can’t say no anyway.” Jari rolled his eyes annoyed.

“I am not your mother. So, can I?” 

Jari nodded, his father walked in, closed the door behind him and sat down on Jari’s bed, next to the boy. “Did they hurt you again?” the voice of the older man had a weird and sudden calming effect on the smaller man.

“Again? As if you never noticed they do that every single day. What do you really want?” Jari exclaimed, his voice clearly shouting for help. The older man wrapped his arms around his son’s shoulders.

“I know, Jari. I know that you hate living here, that you hate everyone and everything. I didn’t like it here in the beginning too. Well, now I have three sons and I’m bonded to stay here. I know your wish to escape but I suggest you to not do it.” Jari flinched together. Did his dad read his mind? Did he know what the two friends talked about? Impossible.

“Why d-“ the younger man wanted to reply but his father interrupted him.

“If you fail, you will only find your death. And do you really want to leave your poor father alone? I suffer under your mother too, you know? Believe me, it’s getting better.” he said and hugged his son. “You are the best I have, Jari.”

Jari stayed silent during their hug. He couldn’t leave his father, not with the rest of their cruel family.

 

_But hey now, you know, boy,_

_We both know it's a cruel world_

“I will leave, tomorrow.” Jaska exclaimed, his lover stared at him with big eyes. “Tomorrow or never.”

“Jaska, I won’t run away!” Jari replied and searched for his friends’ eyes.

“Aren’t you sick of this too? How about the scars all over your body, how about the praying for a god we both don’t believe in? What’s with the countless times they wanted us to do things we didn’t want to do? I want to love you, Jari! Openly, freely, not behind locked doors on Sundays!” the older man almost shouted but remembered to keep his voice low.

And Jaska was one hundred percent right if it wouldn’t be Jari’s thoughts about his father holding him back.

“Jari, don’t worry about your father. I know you care about him but he survived the years before your birth too. Just go inside of yourself and ask, do you want to leave or not?”

Jari stood there, motionless for a few minutes, until the said the sentence that should change their whole lives.

“Let’s leave, tomorrow.”

 

_But I will take my chances_

Midnight. Jaska stood in front of the window of Jari’s room, two bikes standing next to him, a big backpack laying on the ground next to them. It didn’t take the younger man long to throw his own bag and then himself out of the window – although he preferred to climb down the old façade of the house. Arrived on the ground, the two lovers shared a quick kiss.

“You got everything?” Jaska made sure, Jari nodded and picked up the second bike.

No way back – No way to ever return again.

 

_As long as you love me_

They traveled the whole night and day until darkness gathered around them again. They agreed on to set up the tent Jaska brought with him and rest for the night, of course hidden from any followers. Done with that, the two men were found in each other’s arms, for the first time in their whole relationship.

“How I could I survive all those past years without this …” Jari mumbled as he snuggled closer to his lover. His hand gently stroked over Jaska’s stubbly beard.

“I am worried about if they find us, what when they search for us?” the older man sighed and closed his eyes full of exhaustion.

“Love, we’ve been moving the whole day. They would need cars to catch up on us and even then, we are hidden between all those bushes. They won’t, believe me.” Jari calmed Jaska and they shared a kiss as passionate as never before. Tired from their adventure only on the first day they fell asleep, body against body, always holding onto each other.

 

_We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke_

“How much money do you have?” Jaska asked as they took a break in a small park. At that point they were already on the road for three days, no signs of their families.

“Not much at all, a few euro, not more. I couldn’t find more in such short time.” Jari sighed and wiped his palms over his face. The older man put his arm around his lover’s shoulders and stated, to give the other one some motivation back “I have some more, don’t worry. I stole some out of my parents’ wallets before I left to get you.”

“Do you think that keeps us over the surface? To survive and everything.” Jari asked as he stood up to end their break.

“In this speed we probably need two to three weeks to reach Helsinki, it should be enough.” Jaska nodded and put his boots back on after he took them off to relax his feet from the exhausting bike rides.

 

_As long as you love me_

The rain crashed down on the two lovers as they made it to find a dry spot under a tree at the last second before getting completely soaked with water. They both caught their breath but as soon as they looked at each other they started to laugh.

“Where did those clouds come from? Maybe I am blind but the sky was blue a few minutes ago.” Jari chuckled and put his backpack on the ground. They stood in a small town, seemingly right at the beginning of a forest – a good place to stay for the night. A whole week has passed since their escape, no sign of their families or someone searching for them. Actually that was no need to worry but they still weren’t far enough away to feel completely free and safe.

“Maybe you need to clean your glasses. Remember how we always played in the rain as children? And afterwards we were all dirty and full of mud … the good old times.” Jaska sighed with a smile and stared into the rain.

“I don’t remember the old times being good at all, Jaska.” the younger man stated with a raised brow.

“You know I am talking about our friendship and relationship, not the other stuff.” Jaska rolled his eyes with a smirk and held out his hand. “Come with me.”

Jari looked at the hand for a few seconds, then he twitched his shoulders and let himself getting dragged into the rain by his boyfriend again.

 

_I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold_

The younger man should’ve expected what his lovers’ plans were. The rain made his hair and clothes stick to his skin and his glasses were impossible to look through. Soon Jaska pressed his lips on Jari’s, fulfilling one of the biggest secret wishes the younger man had – a passionate kiss, a place and time where nobody would interrupt him and his lover, rain.

Unintentionally Jari dug his fingers into Jaska’s back, trying to pull him closer to get as much body contact as possible. He still couldn’t relax, as much as he tried and fought, there was always the fear someone could see them, punish them … kill them.

Jaska couldn’t hold himself of excitement, that moment was all he ever wished for. For those seconds of their intimate kiss he forgot all his worries, all his thoughts about his family and his old home.

 

_I'll be your soldier,_

The last punch landed perfectly, just on the wrong person. Jaska coughed blood before crawling back up on his legs, trying to fight off the robbers for one last time. As if the existence of god was to consider again, the attackers suddenly let go of the young man and escaped into the depths of the city again, of course giving Jaska a kick into his stomach as good bye.

“They took the tent.” Jaska muttered again and again as his lover slowly sneaked out of his hideout.

“Are you okay?” Jari grabbed his boyfriend and pulled him closer against his own body.

“Where should we sleep now, why … why …” the taller man ignored the other.

“Jaska, nobody cares about the tent I want to know if you are okay!” Jari shook Jaska by his shoulders.

The taller man stayed silent for a few seconds and then replied muttering “The bleeding will probably stop but I have the feeling that my shoulder might not be quite alright anymore.” Jaska put his hand on his own right shoulder and cursed as a horrible sounding crackling sound filled the air.

“Is it broken?” the smaller man began to panic.

“Not, don’t think so. I can still move it but … fuck.” Jaska exclaimed and kicked away a stone laying on the ground. “Where should we sleep now? We need our anyway thin money for food, not a fucking tent!”

“You step out of Stephansville and your daily rate of saying “Fuck” raises on 100%” Jari chuckled.

“Yes, very funny.” the other man growled and angrily grabbed his bag, carrying it on his healthy shoulder.

“Love, calm down. We can do this, with or without a tent, okay? I care more about your well-being than anything else. Screw that thing, we are alive and that counts.” Jari stated as he grabbed his own backpack and followed his partner.

 

_Fighting every second of the day for your dreams, boy_

The bikes broke down shortly after he day Jaska got hurt in the fight against the rebellious teens, their food stockings slowly faded after almost two weeks on their way to the capital. Tired and under pain the couple walked through the dark streets of a rather big town, searching for a place to spend the night at least a little safely.

“I told myself to never give up, never ever. Look at us, should’ve stayed in that town … after all maybe killing ourselves looks like the safest alternative.” Jaska rambled loudly for himself. Jari was tired of his lovers’ negative thoughts, even if he himself sometimes had them too, the young adult knew that giving up was no option, not after all they’ve been through.

“Shut up.” the man with the glasses coldly replied.

“Probably.” Jaska answered and entwined their hands.

They didn’t even know what time it was, but it seemed like a true wonder on earth in that moment.

“Young men! Could you help an old lady this late in the night?” a scratching voice reached Jari’s ear, he and Jaska stopped walking and looked at the old woman standing in front of them, several bags standing by her feet.

“What is it?” the taller one investigated.

“I did my monthly grocery shopping, difficult enough for me to bring all those bags here. Usually my son always helped me, but he left the country a few days ago and now I don’t know how to get all this into my flat.” the elderly woman explained, the couple didn’t need to think about what to do, they just grabbed all the bags they could carry and followed the woman into the house.

“Thank you, you two young men! Thank you so much, helping an old lady as me!” she laughed and added “You both look exhausted and telling by the backpacks you don’t seem to live here either. I can’t give you any of my little money but two gentlemen as you could spend the night in my son’s old room!”

The lovers looked at each other, smiles forming on both of their lips.

 

_So don't stress, don't cry, we don't need no wings to fly_

It has been quiet in the small spare room of the elderly woman, the old furniture gave the two lovers a feeling of their home – which at least one of them couldn’t handle. Jaska tried too hard not to make his struggle obvious to his partner but as always, impossible not to notice someone crying right next to you. Jari didn’t judge his lover, even the younger man was hit by questioning thoughts for the first time on their whole journey.

“Jaska …” Jari hummed and crawled out of the hug to press his lips on his lovers’ cheek. Jaska sighed, wiped the tears from his cheeks and pulled Jari against his still hurting shoulder.

“I don’t want to give up … not after all this way we have behind us. However … I can’t see an end, I lost track of how far Helsinki is still away, I don’t have any power left for the hell of a journey we still have in front of us. I can’t do this anymore.” Jaska sniveled, Jari pushed himself up and locked their eyes.

“We can’t return, we can’t give up. Just think about what would happen if we ever set only one foot back into Stephansville. You don’t have to worry at all, your family will welcome you with open arms, praise you as their lost son and probably give you everything you want, happily. Now, not that I want you to feel bad … but as soon as my family finds me I am dead. My brothers break all my bones, mother probably joins them, dad is standing in a safe distance, silently watching his son dying.” Jari rambled and felt the tears also slowly filling his eyes “I don’t want to die and I want to spend my life together with you, only you. If you want to go back, I don’t hold you back … but I will probably die either way.”

“I love you, Jari, I would never leave you behind. Even if it’s hell you want me to go through, I will do it – not that we are already doing this anyway.” the taller man let a small smile play on his lips.

“At least your presence makes hell much more enjoyable.”

“And maybe hell is not as bad as we think.”

 

_Just take my hand_

Jaska woke up by movements of the person in his arms, initially noticing the heavy breath of his partner. No words were needed – Nightmares. His hand searched for his boyfriend’s, squeezing it tightly as he grabbed it.

“You died, again.” Jari mumbled under his trembling.

“It will stop, believe me.” the taller man calmed his partner, breathing a kiss on his forehead.

“It will never stop, not as long as we are lost on these dirty streets.”

 

_We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke_

It just began to rain again as the two lovers saved themselves into a rather old looking inn. They knew they didn’t have a single cent left, neither did they have the energy to work as payment. Exhausted they stumbled into the small lobby, the young women behind the counter immediately left her place and walked into the direction of the men.

“Are you okay? Do you need any help?” the woman asked concerned and put her hands on the men’s shoulders.

“We’ve been walking for weeks, we are exhausted but can’t rest in the rain out there … we have no money and not the energy and time to work.” Jari explained, letting out the words as a waterfall, Jaska was still out of breath.

“Okay … well, excuse me, take a seat. I will return in a few minutes.” the woman mumbled and left into big room next to the lobby. Jaska let himself sink on a near chair, pulling his lover on his lap.

“Will they have mercy?” Jari outed his worry and wrapped his arms around Jaska, their wet clothes sticking together.

“There is always hope …” the taller man whispered and leaned his forehead against Jari’s.

“Are you runaways?” another female voice pulled the two men out of their resting state. Jari nodded and replied “Strict religious town, looking at us it’s obvious why.”

The woman, seemingly the owner of the inn also nodded, gave her employee a quick look and stated “You two can stay for one or two nights, get food and your clothes cleaned – under one condition.”

“If you give me one, I can play the guitar!” Jaska interrupted and took the question out of the woman’s mouth.

“Great, you can stay but you need to tell me your story and you” she pointed at Jaska “play some good music for our daily guests tomorrow evening, Is that alright?”

“Thank you, Miss, thank you so much.” the lovers said almost in a choir, smiles forming on their faces.

“It’s late, I give you a room key and you two lovebirds get some rest. Tomorrow you hopefully give me a good reason why I took you into my house for free.” the owner chuckled.

“We won’t exploit your hospitality, Miss. Thank you so much, again.” Jari exclaimed and smooched his partner on the cheek.

 

_As long as you love me_

“We didn’t have a choice, my family was part of the forming of our hometown, in society outside of that town you probably would call me a member of a wealthy family, the popular rich kid. I am 25 years old, with that runaway I saved myself in the last second of becoming a priest, as all males in my family were. I always wanted to be a guitarist … rock guitarist. Of course, strict religion doesn’t fit wild and hard music.

Jari, my childhood friend and secret lover for 3 years, had it way more difficult in his early life, he is only 20 years old. He was born into a family which equals to poor, suffered under physical abuse of his older brothers, his mother basically hated him. I can be honest, I never felt that he was safe, except in those moments in which he was with me.

Well, around three weeks ago we decided to run away, a 25 and 20 years old discovering and stepping into a whole new world, beyond religion and borders. Our goal is to reach Helsinki one day and start a new life, nothing more.”

 

“A new life with you, and you alone.”

 

_I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold_

Helsinki – the capital of a country the two men encountered more than they wanted in the past month, since they started their journey. The weird looks of the residents didn’t bother the couple, who were standing at the promenade of Helsinki’s harbor.

“Was it worth, all the struggle and pain and tears?” Jaska muttered as he stared out the Baltic Sea.

“It’s a quite rhetorical question but you can always go back if you don’t like it.” Jari replied with a smirk.

“Never.” the older man sighed and pulled his lover into a passionate kiss.

 

“Being homeless in Helsinki still feels better than living in Stephansville.” Jari chuckled as he watched Jaska checking the old guitar he bought on a yard sale just a few minutes ago.

“She’s beautiful …” Jaska mumbled for himself as he positioned his fingers on the wooden guitar neck and played some notes. He closed his eyes and let the feelings play, ending up in a song, more beautiful than everything Jari ever heard in his life. To their surprise, some passing people stopped their journeys to watch Jaska playing a melody portraying all the things he had to endure on their way, all the pain, all the love – freedom.

He opened his eyes again as he abruptly stopped playing through the pain in his shoulder taking over. For a second the man eyed all the people standing around them, his gaze fell on two blondies in the small crowd, discussing over something. Jaska earned a well-deserved applause, also as some useful Euros from the pedestrians. The small crowd disappeared as fast as it gathered and soon only the two blonde men were left.

“You talk to him!” the smaller, long haired hissed.

“Why should I? You are the guitarist!” the taller man replied in the same tone.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, do you need any help?” Jaska asked with a raised brow as he stood in front of them, almost synchronized the blondies turned their heads to the dark haired, tall man.

“Well yes. We need a guitarist for our band and heard you and now we want to take you with us, to make it short.” the taller man stuttered and shook his head after he finished his sentence, noticing how horrible he sounded.

“Really?” Jaska exclaimed and looked over to his lover, who was watching the happenings silently. “If you are serious, I would gladly try it out but me and my partner are homeless.” Jaska looked at the ground ashamed.

“Who cares about that, we can surely find some space for you. Can your man play the drums, just randomly asking? But where are my manners, I am too nervous for this …” the taller blondie continued but quickly ended up mumbling something for himself.

“What Marko wants to say, we search for a second guitarist and a new drummer for our freshly formed band. Don’t you worry about the fact that you are homeless or poor, we caught our keyboardist from the streets too. My name is Olli, by the way.” the smaller man introduced himself.

“I never learned how to play the drums, but I always wanted to …” Jari stated honest with a sigh.

“Then we need to find you a teacher as soon as possible. Is that a deal?” Olli held out his hand. Jaska looked into Jari’s eyes, waiting for his nod.

 

_As long as you love me_

“Could you imagine to still live in that shithole we called our home once?” Jaska exclaimed as he checked his guitars for a last time before they got places into their tour case.

“Why would you care about things that happened 15 years ago?” Jari rolled his eyes, sitting on the billiard table, watching his partner packing his tools together.

“Do you realize how fucking old we became? My 25th birthday feels like yesterday. You won’t believe me but my shoulder injury is still sitting in my bones.” Jaska put the instrument out of his hands and walked over to Jari.

“How about my 20th birthday? You only think about yourself and your wounds.” Jari crossed his arms and looked at the ceiling, playfully angry.

“The only thing I think about is you.” Jaska purred and wrapped his arms around the other man.

“You’re trying too hard to be romantic. Just kiss me already.” Jari grinned and pressed his lips on his lover’s.

 

“You two are too gay for this world, really.” the couple heard Markus’ voice passing by with his usual laughing undertone through it. Family isn’t blood relation, Family is what and who you choose it to be.

_As long as you love me_


End file.
